Ryan & Brenda Miller Family

Early Christmas

2009-12-15T08:14:00.000-08:00

We usually travel each Christmas to see our respective families, but before that we celebrate and have our own quiet Christmas with just the kids. This year was no exception. The kids are a year older and it shows. Their comprehension of the event and ability to express themselves increases our enjoyment as well.

The Night Before Christmas. We made hot chocolate together and then the kids picked a candy cane from the tree to stir it with...
We also made gingerbread cookies together for Santa, but Drew & Matt thought it was important that we leave the reindeer some carrots...

Christmas Morning! I was up an hour before the kids (not by choice), and was ready and waiting with the camera to get a shot of them sprinting toward the tree. Ryan still had a small window of time before he had to leave for work, so this was one morning I didn't want them to sleep in anyway. I left the room for two minutes to use the bathroom, and wouldn't you know, it was the exact time they bounded down the stairs screaming and hollering! As I heard, "Mom, Mom! It's Christmas!", I closed my eyes and tried not to be too disappointed that I was trapped in isolation during a climatic moment. This is Drew opening his stocking. He usually selects and examines each item one at a time and asks questions about everything...

Our baby Brady with his favorite food...

Ah, the first present! Drew opened Iron Man with Matt's help...

Next came Matt with his Daredevil. They were so excited to see what the other got...

Finally the gift coveted most of all... the Spiderman web shooter. Drew told me a few nights before at the ward Christmas party, "Mom, I talked to Santa and he said he was going to bring me the Spiderman Webs! I know he's bringing it to me!" I didn't know Santa was bringing it either, until the night before Christmas at the 11th hour. It was like Ralphie and his gun. They thought there wasn't any more to open until I said, "What's that behind the tree?" After the gift was spotted they didn't even come out from behind the tree to open it. It was like the scene in Jurassic Park where the raptors are fed, because it was a frenzy of paper flying everywhere, and in a nanosecond it was over...After it was over and we said our goodbyes to Daddy, we lounged and talked about how much fun we had and how fortunate we were to have a Christmas. We talked about the shepherds and how their staffs were shaped like a candy cane. We talked about the star on top of the tree and how it helps us remember the Star of Bethlehem that rose in the sky when Christ was born. We talked about how excited we are to see our families and celebrate with them as well. We watched Christmas movies, listened to music, ate lots of chocolates and oranges, cracked nuts with the nutcracker (the kids participated and the shells were flying), and played, played, played. It was a blast.

Christmas On The Pecos

2009-12-10T11:47:00.000-08:00

This year we attended a totally fun event called Christmas On The Pecos. Every year during the holiday season in Carlsbad, NM, the city welcomes people from all around to view the gorgeous Christmas lights along the Pecos River by floating down the river in large boats. These boats seat around 80 people and take big groups down the river for a trip that lasts about 50 minutes. As we prepared to board, we walked around and enjoyed the lights and shops, admired the pretty river and warmed up with hot cocoa. Then they announced our departure and as we moved down the walkway, workers handed us thick wool blankets and life vests for the kids. We took our seats (all forward-facing) and started the serene tour. The sky and water were as black as night, and it created a nice contrast with all the lights and animated spectacles lining the waterfront. Our kids were just thrilled to be on a boat, bundled up in hats & warm coats & sipping hot chocolate, but the visual appeal made it that much more fun. As we drove home and the kids were sleeping peacefully in the back, I felt grateful we could spend time together as a family and create another fun memory at Christmas time.

What? Snow!

2009-12-10T10:30:00.000-08:00

This year we received snowfall that actually stuck around for more than a few hours. The kids were SCREAMING with excitement. They rushed to get on hats, coats, mittens, and had the best time. They had snowball fights, drew patterns on the drift collected on our stone wall, and shoveled snow into their buckets normally used for shoveling sand.

Thanksgiving

2009-12-02T20:58:00.001-08:00

I should've taken a lesson from last year that Thanksgiving is just easier when I cook as much food in advance as possible. Last year I don't remember feeling desperate for 4 ovens. I don't remember having to stall the turkey in order to cook the side dishes. Things just worked better last year... oh ya, I woke up at 3:00am to start on everything. This year I didn't start until breakfast was over, and I found myself unhappily "chained to the stove" until Ryan's little two-hour break before he left for work again. As a result I felt guilty for neglecting the kids and I felt rushed to have everything completed precisely at Ryan's "go" time--and then it was difficult to relax and enjoy the meal anyway. It had me asking, was it worth it? The best part was talking with the kids about what they're grateful for. Their simple answers center me and bring me back into focus.

After dinner was over and the kids were in bed, I contemplated whether I had the energy to drag the tree out of the garage and put the Christmas decorations up. Ryan was working 26 out of 30 nights in November, and the thought of me asking him to put up the tree between shifts garnered the mental image of tired, flat rejection. I'm learning more and more that if I want something done, I just have to do it myself. Needless to say, I changed my mind a few times and then finally relented, wrestling the gigantic tree box in. The next morning my kids woke up and raced toward the tree in excitement. I purposefully left some ornaments in their boxes so the kids could help decorate the tree and feel the pride of knowing they contributed to its beauty. Now every day we talk about everything we love about the holidays, our plans this year, what we're looking forward to, and of course, how many times we have to wake up before Santa comes! Seeing the world through their eyes... nothing better.

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T19:28:00.000-07:00

We had a great time on Halloween! A huge bonus was that Ryan was able to be with us, so the augmented family time made the whole day better. We began the evening at our "trunk or treat" by having dinner and playing games at the carnival. After that we packed up the kids to go trick-or-treating in our neighborhood. They were so excited to learn there was more fun ahead as we were leaving the church! That's one thing I love about experiencing holidays with the kids. They inject their magic into everything with their enthusiasm and excitement about every little aspect of the day.

This year the kids anticipated Halloween with great angst for several months, and every time we'd ask what they wanted to be, their answer would change. Since we couldn't nail a specific theme down, we decided to go with Superman. Ryan was Clark Kent. Matt was Clark Kent changing into Superman. Drew was Superman, and if you recall the classic Christopher Reeve movies, Brady portrayed Superman as a baby when he landed on earth. I went as Lois Lane, and since my wardrobe lacked one of her snazzy pastel business suits, I looked like "Flight Attendant Lois Lane..." "Passengers, we are beginning our decent into El Paso. Please see that your tray tables are in the upright and locked position." I thought Ryan looked great--tall, dark and handsome! The kids don't look very enthused in the picture, but they loved what they wore. Drew even said throughout the night, "I sure love my costume!" Matt gave people demonstrations of how he could pull his shirt apart and start changing into Superman. He does the same thing around the house, only he sprints from one side of the house to the other, spins in a circle, pretends to put his boots on, and then "flies" to the other side of the house as Superman. Brady just stood there and looked cute, and for any wondering, he wasn't cold. I hope you all had a fun and safe Halloween. You can check out our Monster Mash Halloween video at the bottom of the page.

Brady's 1st Birthday

2009-10-20T11:25:00.001-07:00

Brady's birthday was fun. The kids enjoyed celebrating all day, and we got to visit Ryan at the hospital and sing "Happy Birthday" with the nursing staff. It was a good thing we had fun during the day, because as evening wore on, our happy party morphed into a fiasco. First I made the mistake of running errands all day, which robbed Brady of valuable sleep. Then as we cleaned up dinner and bedtime came, my good-natured baby short-circuited into a wailing, screaming, arching of the back nightmare. I couldn't keep him happy to save my life. Finally, I waved the white flag (gave up on waiting for Ryan) and brought out his birthday cupcake with the candle lit, hoping to distract him long enough to take at least one good photo. But the cupcake seemed to upset him more, like, "I didn't ask for a cupcake! I want to GO TO BED!" Then it all came to a head while I was fiddling with the camera settings and trying to remember how to activate the video. Brady lurched forward and put the candle out with his fingers, and the night officially ended. Dejected and defeated, I scooped up my tortured baby and headed upstairs to bed. Drew and Matt were yelling that he still needed to eat his cupcake, and I let the chaos, fatigue and stress get to me by roaring back that the party was OVER! So much for the ideal, picture-perfect scene. The following afternoon we did a "Take 2" by giving him the cupcake under better circumstances (still without Ryan, but what do you do?). I can't fully express what Brady means to me; what mother can truly articulate it? All I know is that he is a priceless, integral part of our family, and may never know how much I fiercely love him.

Pumpkin Patch

2009-10-20T10:54:00.001-07:00

We had a fantastic time this year at a great pumpkin patch just 20 minutes away in New Mexico. It was still warm with temperatures in the low 80s, but it didn't feel nearly as hot as last year when I was big and pregnant and one week away from delivering. The boys were able to enjoy the big rubber tubing slide, giant sandbox, mini maze, farm animals, tractor ride and the pumpkin selection. The grilled corn smelled so good, but we didn't take time to eat this year. I also didn't venture out with them into the giant corn maze, but I was able to have fun watching them explore and take part in the activities while Daddy stayed home with a napping Brady. Freedom!

Puppy Surgery

2009-10-03T12:59:00.000-07:00

Pre-Op Diagnosis: 3-month old puppy with abdominal wound suffered at home, suspect domestic violence.

Post-Op Diagnosis: Same

Procedures: Abdominal wound closure

Surgeon: Dad

Assistant: Matt Miller

Anesthesia: None

Start Time: 13:44
End Time: 13:47

Fluid Replacement: None

Surgical Wound Classification: Clean

Antibiotics: None

Complications: None

Dressings: None

Post-op Plan: Recovery Room ---> Home after Social Services Clearance

Procedures: Puppy was brought to couch and laid in dorsal supine position. No prepping or draping. No anesthesia. 2-0 Vicryl used to close 2.5 cm midline abdominal wound. Puppy tolerated procedure well. Instrument counts were correct x 2. Sent to recovery room in stable condition.

Flashback: Halloween 2008

2009-09-19T21:58:00.001-07:00

This is Ryan blogging, so my words will be less eloquent and more brief. I think Brenda is an excellent writer, but she suffers from a chronic condition called detail diarrhea.

Since spring of this year, Drew and Matt have literally been discussing their Halloween costume possibilities on a daily basis. We still have not made final decisions for this upcoming year because they change their minds by the hour. So...while Halloween has been abuzz around our house and because we never posted many pics from last year, a flashback is in order.

Aside: Brenda doesn't feel flattered by her appearance in the picture because she'd just given birth and landed herself in the ICU, but I thought she looked great. Thanks for coming out with us on Halloween, dear.

Kudos to the first person who guesses my character.

San Antonio

2009-08-14T14:14:00.000-07:00

In April we went to San Antonio to visit friends and explore the sights. We had an absolute blast enjoying The River Walk, The Alamo and Sea World. Ryan was able to take a boys' night and go to a Spurs game with good friends from medical school. It was the final game of the regular season, and as luck would have it the game went into overtime (Spurs winning), so it was exciting. We laughed, caught up with great friends and relished our days of quality family time (a rarity nowadays). Here are some pictures from the trip:

Sea World

The Alamo

The River Walk

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T14:11:00.000-07:00

It's well into the afternoon and I'm still waiting for Ryan to come home so we can start hunting for baskets. This is the first year we're giving Easter candy to the kids, and I hope they enjoy it. I decided to do a scavenger hunt for the baskets so the event would last longer. Yesterday we had fun at the ward Easter egg hunt and picnic. The kids were a little standoffish at the start of the egg hunt. I had to practically scream at them to get them to pick up an egg. Luckily they gave the smaller kids a head start, so they had a chance to fill their baskets with the designated number of eggs. This event required everyone to bring filled eggs, a picnic and a dessert to share. Naturally, Ryan was working, so it was cumbersome to carry the eggs, picnic lunch, dessert, diaper bag and purse, all while carrying the baby and holding hands with the kids. But we made it and had a good time. I hope all of you have a great Easter Sunday and remember the real reason we celebrate it.

March Madness

2009-03-30T06:51:00.000-07:00

No, not the NCAA basketball tournament. March was just a crazy month, and I know that if I don't write things down, I won't remember anything about our lives at this moment in time. Since I want to remember everything--the good and not so good--here's a synopsis. March was a mixture of crazy and fun. Let's start with CRAZY:

Two Sundays ago, Drew was set to give the scripture in Primary. Ryan was working, so I was extra cognizant that I had to get everyone ready for church a little early to avoid some Murphy's Law-imposed disaster. Twenty-five minutes before church started, I finished buckling the kids in and started the car, when I realized that the car was dead! After a few heart palpitations and deep breathing exercises, I calmed down and recalled that we had a portable car charger that had never been used. I quickly found the box and read the instructions, hoping for a quick solution to get on the road ASAP. The tension in the car swelled as the silent delay ticked away. The baby became more and more fussy. The kids were asking more and more questions with greater annoyance and louder voices. I tried to keep my cool, practically chanting to myself in Buddha-fashion that I couldn't control everything, but I could control my response to it. At T-minus five minutes to the start of church, I realized why the charger wasn't working. It needed an initial charge of 15 hours before the first use. I quickly called and texted a few friends in the ward, but by this time sacrament had already started, and the lack of response was expected and warranted. Now I was looking around at the total breakdown around me. Drew and Matt were whining and kicking their shoes off in frustration. The baby was screaming (because heaven knows he can't go more than 30 minutes without nursing). I was running out of options, when I thought of calling a cab. I called one cab company, who said they didn't have any cars available on my side of town. They referred me to another company, who told me they could have a car to my house in 15 minutes. By this time, Drew was scheduled to GIVE the scripture in 15 minutes, but I hastily agreed with no other options coming to mind. The kids were so "done" waiting around, so I ushered everyone outside to wait, hoping the time would pass by quicker. Finally the cab appeared, and I piled everyone in, acutely aware of the scathing judgements that could be directed my way for not using car seats for the two older kids. I was trying not to fidget as the time slowly passed while this nice, law-abiding, very speed-limit-controlled cab driver made the drive to our church building. After a quick thanks and a $10 payment, I scurried into the Primary Room only to find that we had missed our time! Thankfully a nice sister quietly came up to me and asked if Drew would still like to give the scripture, so we made our way (apologetically) to the podium and recited what we had practiced all week. Now that was an experience to remember!

FUN: Last weekend I attended my brother's wedding in Las Vegas. I was so looking forward to it, 1) because I would only have the baby, and 2) I would be spending the weekend with my sister, who I never see. She is so fun and upbeat, I can't help but have a blast every time I'm with her. We walked everywhere and tried to see as many "free" things as possible. In addition, we were able to see the Titanic exhibit with actual artifacts and pieces from the boat, as well as the Tournament of Kings dinner show at the Excalibur Hotel. It was fun, but I felt like a terrible mother since the loud noises and constant hustle and bustle of our surroundings made it almost impossible for Brady to sleep. He was crying all the time. I swear baby life is best suited for a hibernation-type existence where you only leave home for brief "walks in the park" to ensure plenty of good sleep. But since we can't live our life in a bubble, situations like this can arise which cause painful agitation. He would fall asleep intermittently in my arms, only to be awakened by another loud noise or the windy conditions from walking to our next destination. But even with his fussiness, it felt like a true vacation to only have one child to look after. It made me remember why it seemed like so much fun when I only had Drew! With all the fun we had, it was obvious at times that the city is well-suited to indulge decadence. Even in the "kid-friendly" Excalibur Hotel with carnival-like games, we saw a table dancer doing her thing in plain view as we made our way to the dinner show (aimed at kids). At one point we were going down the street and saw a vehicle with a large advertisement that showed the back view of a row of girls clad only in thongs. It struck me as almost humorous (but sad), as if they were horses lined up at the county fair to be judged... "That's top flank right there, fellers! Fed nothing but the best oats! This little darlin' gets the blue ribbon!"... Yes, the city can resemble a modern-day Sodom and Gummorah.

After a day of fun on Saturday, we made our way to the Little White Wedding Chapel (of Elvis Presley and Michael Jordan fame) for the ceremony. I was able to see all but one of my siblings and have a fun but too-brief visit before we parted ways and drove home. My sister convinced me to get a good night's sleep at the hotel before setting out on the long drive. The trip there took me what would've taken a "normal" person (with no baby) 11 hours, almost 15 hours. The drive home was no better at 21 (yes, 21) hours, with frequent stops to take care of Brady and avoid an accident from falling asleep at the wheel. I was trying to make it home in time to trade Ryan cars so he could leave on time for work at 5:00am. It turns out I was five minutes late, but it wasn't a big deal. We just had to be more creative about what we did for fun that day. Below is a picture of me and my sister outside the Little White Wedding Chapel after my brother's wedding. We both have necklaces on from our excursion to the Titanic exhibit (she couldn't decide between the "heart of the ocean" necklace and a replica of one of the actual necklaces recovered from the debris, so she got them both!).

Honorable Mention: This is just one of those stories every mom has, when everything comes to a head and you think, "Well, that's a memory!" I was nursing one morning. Everything seemed pretty calm until Drew yelled, "MOM! Matt pooped on the stairs!" At this point Matt had been having more accidents than usual, and I'd had it with cleaning up poop! I seethed and immediately raced to the stairs with the baby in my arms. Upon viewing the dreaded scene and "fun" that awaited me, I yelled, "Matt!" My voice must have taken on a demonic dimension, because my son shook with a start and didn't know whether to run upstairs or downstairs. He took one step up, but then changed direction and started downstairs. In his confused moment of fear, he lost balance mid-step after realizing he was about to plant his foot firmly on the decrepit pile of crap and fell down the stairs! He fell mostly on his face, and as he lifted it, crying, I saw that the impact had given him a bloody nose! By this time the baby was wailing, Drew was trying to instruct Matt that he shouldn't poo on the stairs, and Matt's dirty derriere was staring up at me while he screamed bloody murder at the red stain growing larger and larger on the carpet beneath him. The culmination of events actually took me over the top and I started laughing! I put the baby down, who's wail turned into a scream, and somehow cleaned everything up. I have a feeling this story will come up later in life as my boys get older and we reminisce about their childhood.

Matt's Birthday

2009-03-08T17:16:00.000-07:00

Matt turned three yesterday, and I was so glad Ryan could be home. It was our first Saturday together as a family in one solid month... (1st-year residency is hard to tolerate!). Ryan probably makes it to church 20% of the time because he's either working or sleeping post-call. Some people at church probably assume I'm a single mother, because more often than not I'm herding the kids into sacrament alone. Today was no different (Ryan works all day and all night tonight). Next Sunday Drew is assigned to give the scripture in Primary, but again Ryan can't see him because he'll be working. That's why it felt so great to have him home yesterday to celebrate Matt's birthday.

I just can't imagine life without Matt. He joined our family at an extremely stressful time in our lives. We struggled so much, but with great struggle comes tremendous growth, and we got through it together. Looking back, having our first child was so special (nothing else like it), but I clearly remember when Matt came along that the ties that bound our family together became tighter and more numerous. He is so special to us, and we are a better family because of him. Here's Matt through the years, followed by video of him blowing his candles out.

Birth...

Homecoming...

1st Smile...

1st Birthday...

2nd Birthday...

3rd Birthday...

Drew's Birthday

2009-02-28T10:28:00.000-08:00

Four years ago my life changed forever. I became a mother. Little did I know then how much I would learn about life, love, and what really matters. I look back now and ask, how did I ever truly understand what love was before I knew without a doubt what it was to love someone more than myself? How did I understand what it was to sacrifice before I was forced to constantly put someone else's needs above my own? How could I have fully comprehended the meaning of life before I was given a hand in shaping the life of another? Parenthood doesn't merely alter your world. It creates a seismic shift so much so you hardly recognize or remember life before parenthood. Having children has enriched my life far beyond what I could've envisioned, and I'm eternally grateful to God for giving me that blessing.

Drew turned four today, and I just can't believe how time has flown by. It seems only yesterday he was turning one and I was crying because he was no longer my "baby." We celebrated last night so Ryan could make it. We had homemade pizza and a four-layer chocolate cream cake! The highlight of his gifts was a red cape my sister made that looked exactly like the cape Prince Phillip wore in Sleeping Beauty. He didn't want to take it off when we put pajamas on. Next week we celebrate Matt's birthday, and we're looking forward to another fun party! Here are some pictures of Drew's milestones through the years.

Birth...

Blessing Day...

1st Birthday...

2nd Birthday...

3rd Birthday...

4th Birthday...

Date Night

2009-02-06T22:44:00.000-08:00

Ryan and I went on a date tonight, which was a real treat. This wasn't always so out of the ordinary, as in school we were often part of a babysitting group and enjoyed regular dates. But tonight was special not only for the occasion, but for the unique experience. We had some friends graciously take the two older kids while we kept the baby with us. At first we went to a restaurant that was recommended by some residents Ryan works with. It was very unique and "cool-looking," with floor-to-ceiling mirrors on both sides that made the place seem much bigger than it was. On one side against the wall was a stack of three giant TVs playing different news programs. On the other side of the room, the menu was written in giant font on a wall that was painted to resemble a chalkboard, featuring categories like "leafy" and "hot." After a long wait with no table in sight, we decided to make a run for another restaurant in which one of Ryan's attending physicians had taken him and another resident out for lunch. As soon as we stepped in, I felt like we'd just entered a posh eatery in NYC. The lighting resembled a darkened dance club (without the booming music, thankfully). There were stuffed chairs running down the center of the room covered in beige linen that were paired off and facing each other to provide conversation areas. The side bar wall was made of glass and held countless glass bottles of drink that rested on glass shelves arranged head to toe, illuminated with colorful backlighting. Above we could see another level where people were eating and visiting. As we moved along and approached our table, I noticed a tall sheet of water falling between two panes of glass in the near distance. The place settings were made of fine woven bamboo mats and double-sided linen napkins of ivory and the same beige on the lounge chairs. The flatware was incredibly long and lean. The staff members were dressed impeccably in black and white. The wall that led to the kitchen had two huge windows so you could look in and view all the working chefs that were dressed in white. Everywhere I looked were men in suits and women in black dresses and heels, and all of a sudden I felt so out of place! We hadn't prepared for this. Here we had our baby (the last thing I'm sure any of these patrons wanted to see or hear), and I just felt scruffy by comparison. Ryan was still in his dressy clothes from the day, but he had taken off his tie to match my more-casual attire. Although I had heels on, they were only paired with jeans and a sweater. "Oh well", I thought, "I want to enjoy myself." Luckily the baby wasn't fussing (as long as I held him), so we proceeded to order...

Now I am notorious for struggling to order at restaurants--even with simple menus at Wendy's or Taco Bell. One problem is I focus on the fact that we hardly ever dine out, so I treat it like I'm ordering my last meal. Tonight was no exception, so Ryan just informed me that he was ordering for me. Sometimes I protest, but tonight I welcomed it... one less thing to worry about. His own food choice was a tad disappointing (translation: boring), but no surprise. He actually ordered a burger. I tend to want to be more adventurous, especially in a place that isn't run-of-the-mill. But we all have different tastes, and after our food came out, I must admit I was envying his burger over my plate of food... or should I say spot? Have you ever seen when they make fun of overly gourmet meals that are so tiny, they amount to a few spoonfuls? I thought we'd ordered a quiche-type thing with a house salad, cooked veggies and fruit. What I was served was a little Maytag blue and walnut tart (no bigger than the palm of my hand) topped with mixed greens, draped with four thin strips of sauteed fennel and a spoonful of fruit compote on the side, with four perfect circles of spicy brown mustard sauce framing the arrangement in a semi-circle. I looked from my plate to his and could feel my mouth water, wanting to sink my teeth into something more hearty. But I decided this would be a new experience and to have fun with it. Ryan let me try his fries (wrapped in a paper funnel)... awesome! They were perfectly seasoned in something so flavorful and interesting, I wanted to taste more to solve the mystery of what it could be. At the conclusion of our meal, they asked if we wanted to see the dessert menu. I almost thought, we're out an arm and a leg for this snack, might as well finish up with a sure-fire winner. How can you go wrong with dessert? Love it! But Ryan quickly said no and assured me we could go get some Reece's Pieces or something. Bam! Back to reality! Reece's Pieces? Somehow making a run for Reese's after this meal seemed ridiculous. Then they gave us our check and a little something for the road--blood orange truffles! Yummy! I tried to reassure Ryan I was glad we went there despite my minuscule meal, and I said I'd love to go back again some... year. At that price we would've been wiser to get full at Applebees, unfortunately.

Soap in the Mouth

2009-01-01T11:06:00.000-08:00

The kids were in the tub when I heard them converse using a word that had previously been explained to them as "bad..." STUPID. They were finding ways to stick it into every sentence, even if it didn't make sense. I didn't want to let it go without correction for fear they would take the word lightly and repeat the behavior. To set the stage a little more, we had watched A Christmas Story a few times recently because of the holidays. They knew Ralphie had suffered soap in the mouth for saying a bad word, so I thought following suit might make the lesson more clear. So into the bathroom I walked with a somber look on my face that said, "This is too bad... I wish I didn't have to do this." I took the bar of soap from the shower and knelt down. I told Drew he said a bad word and that I had to put soap in his mouth. He grinned from ear to ear and willingly opened his mouth, thinking we were role-playing from the movie. I fought a smile and tried not to laugh. He wasn't scared or upset at all, and the impact of the demonstration was quickly in danger of deflating into a joke, but I was determined to remain vigil. Into his mouth the soap went, and instantly his brow furrowed as he spit out the soap. I know he didn't fully comprehend this was an official "punishment" because after a few good spews he said, "Mom, that's really not a good taste," like I showed bad form by feeding him something repulsive because of my own lack of knowledge. Matt just screamed and twisted away as if I was about to amputate one of his limbs with a chainsaw. We'll see if I struck enough fear to eliminate the undesired vocabulary.

Christmas in Idaho & El Paso

2008-12-29T09:00:00.000-08:00

We were fortunate enough to see our families for Christmas this year. Before we left for Idaho, El Paso received some snow flurries for a few hours, but nothing stuck. Drew freaked with excitement and shrieked, "Is it Christmas, Mom?" The snowflakes are difficult to see, but they're there.

Compare that to our Christmas in Idaho!

The snow level was incredible. One day we couldn't even drive into the driveway, but I was happy my kids got their wish of a white Christmas.

Before we left for Idaho, we enjoyed our own Christmas. It was so fun to see the kids race down the stairs and run into the family room. Since they're older this year, they understood the holiday more and awaited everything with greater anticipation. The highlight was probably the new basketball hoop--an added bonus for Ryan because he had just as much fun as the boys (now I understand why he pushed for it). After lots of goodies and playing, the boys settled down and Ryan read them the books they received. Nothing beats those episodes of family time and togethernes. They are just invaluable to me, and I treasure those moments. The kids eventually migrated upstairs to play and Ryan fell asleep on the couch with the baby.

Running downstairs and opening stockings.

Score! Books and construction equipment.

Shooting hoops... nice follow-through, Matt!

Relaxing with Dad.

Then it was off to Idaho to see family. One highlight was the nativity and gingerbread house display at the Museum of Idaho. Upstairs was a hands-on area for kids where they dressed up in mountain-man garb, explored the wilderness and rode on "horses."

Before we knew it, Christmas Day had arrived. Can you believe their gigantic tree? You wouldn't know it from the pictures, but we were wrought with sickness (what trip would be complete w/o hardship?) One night Ryan and I cleaned up Matt & stripped his bed three times because he kept vomiting. Drew did his part by throwing up and having severe diarrhea along with Matt all the way home--33 hours on the road! It took what felt like forever to clean the car, luggage (spewed on), car seats (also soaked with biohazards), not to mention the mountains of laundry, all while attending sick kids, fussy baby, and new and exciting piles of vomit and diarrhea in the house (lovely).

Christmas Eve in front of the tree.

Opening presents... too much fun!

What a big day!

Brady is 2 Months Old

2008-12-28T14:40:00.000-08:00

Time is already flying too fast.

He's getting close to smiling.
I could snuggle and kiss him all day.

Santa

2008-12-17T12:51:00.000-08:00

While we were leaving the play area at the mall the other day, we spotted Santa in the Food Court sitting at a table. Kids were coming up to him and sitting on his lap, so we ventured over to see him. Drew was giddy and excited to talk to Santa. Matt, on the other hand, protested immediately and stubbornly refused to take part in the fun. After Drew took his turn, I tried yet again to convince Matt this was a fun thing, and that he should thank his lucky stars for a mom who shows him such a good time, darn it... j/k. But he just kept screaming, "I'm too scared! I'm too scared!" Apparently, Santa is only jolly when encased in a protective barrier; i.e. cardboard cutout, billboard, ornament, or TV screen. As a last resort, I tried aiming my camera at an angle that included both Matt and Santa to have some semblance of a photo op. And in the future if he ever accuses me of leaving him out of the photo, I can show him what my best efforts yielded--a scowling Matt at a good distance from his new enemy. Ironically, now he asks to see Santa every day. By the way, is this not the best mall-Santa you've ever seen?

Drew sharing his age... Posing happily...
Then there's Matt, "I refuse to give you the satisfaction of a smile."

Christmas Pajamas

2008-12-13T11:29:00.000-08:00

The kids just couldn't wait to wear their new pajamas.
It didn't take much to get them to sit in front of the tree and smile.
I love to see their affection for the baby.
We wish you a Christmas filled with the best feelings of the season!

Thanksgiving & Black Friday

2008-11-28T08:00:00.000-08:00

So this was the first Thanksgiving where we stayed home and I tackled the entire dinner alone. It was actually fun researching countless recipes and planning our perfect menu. The night before, I stayed up cooking as the kids slept, focusing on the reward of seeing my family happy & excited at the array of fabulous food on the table. Of course with just toddlers in the house I shouldn't have set my sights too high on receiving many oohs and aahs of culinary pleasure. Luckily I don't have picky eaters, and Ryan more than made up for any lack by pouring on the compliments.

Thanksgiving morning Ryan returned home after a 28-hour shift and I was expecting him to go right to bed to recover all day, but he surprised me and took the kids to the Sun Bowl Parade and gave me the chance to cook in peace. The enjoyment I was feeling began to wane as I started to prepare the turkey. This was my first turkey and I was a little intimidated, but I figured it would probably turn out OK (and even if it didn't, that was OK too). As I plunged the bird into a sink of warm water and watched it bob up and down, I was turned off at the sight of a this poor dead animal floating in my kitchen sink, grown only to be killed and feed us gluttons on Thanksgiving. A short time ago it was an innocent little animal running around, relatively happy (I imagined) and unaware of its inevitable doom. Now I'm sure this could sound something like the rant of a psychotic vegetarian who thinks of meat-eaters as murderers. However, although I don't plan on becoming a vegetarian after this experience, I would like to restrict my meat prep to "cutlets" rather than "beings" from now on. Fortunately, the meal turned out great with the roast turkey, garlic mashed potatoes, tarragon gravy, crescent rolls, homemade cranberry sauce with orange zest, herbed stuffing, yummy sweet potato casserole with praline topping, pumpkin pie and sparkling cranberry slushy drink.

After our big day of feasting and family time, and after the kids were in bed, I prepared to participate in the annual Black Friday shopping day after never having done it before. But the thought of fighting the cold and the crowds for limited items (not to mention the uncertainty of whether I could return home in time to nurse the baby) led me to do my shopping online. After the 1am feeding I got on the computer and started shopping. The downside was that not all deals were available online, but for me the payoff of staying at home and avoiding the chaos was worth foregoing them... I just ended up experiencing a different kind of chaos. At a certain store website where I took quite a while browsing and making final decisions, I proceeded to checkout but an item had sold out since it was added to my cart. I tried to remain calm and went back to shop. After finally deciding on a replacement and proceeding to checkout yet again, my computer froze up. I eventually had no choice but to reboot, and by the time I logged back in and added everything back to my cart, more items had sold out! Now I'd had it and just wanted to grab my stuff and sprint to checkout, much like I would've felt in the stores. After three hours and several stores visited, I finally collapsed into bed, only to be roused within seconds to feed the baby again. And so it goes!

Pumpkin Patch

2008-10-31T07:00:00.000-07:00

One week before Brady was born we went to a corn maze and picked out pumpkins. The kids had a great time sliding down a slide made of huge piping large enough for them to stand in. We pet the goats, explored the corn maze, and then took a hayride to the huge pumpkin patch. The weather was hot and I was hoping to find smaller pumpkins for the kids to carry, but all of the pumpkins were very large and difficult to handle. I did my best to grip one in each hand and a third under my arm (not to mention the pumpkin in my belly), but the weight soon got the best of me and I couldn't prevent them from dropping to the ground. To complicate matters, Matt became wary of the uneven ground and eventually refused to walk without my help (see picture). Luckily several people helped me lug the kids and our three pumpkins back to the hayride so we could make it home with our Halloween goods. I'm planning on making some pretty sweet pies with these pumpkins. I've heard that the taste of fresh (vs. canned) pumpkin can't be beat!

The Gridiron Greenies

2008-10-30T21:31:00.000-07:00

Matt and Drew enjoying a costume dress rehearsal. We wish everyone a fun Halloween!

Introducing: "Uh-Oh!" Brady Thomas Miller

2008-10-25T12:42:00.000-07:00

Over the past week Brenda and I have engaged in several heartfelt conversations regarding the naming of the baby. It almost felt like we were in the courtroom, each of us pleading our case to the other. Then something happened, something that made me defenseless. She pulled out the ultimate secret weapon--a weapon that only women seem to possess--a weapon more powerful than logic--a weapon no man has an answer for. She cried... OK, so she cried after I gave the green light on Brady, but just the same it was all over for me--case closed, nail in the coffin, final buzzer, end of story, checkered flag, game over, gavel down, judgment to Brenda. "Ryan, you are hereby sentenced to consume SpaghettiOs for the rest of your life."

Okay, so it's not a bad name. Brady is already growing on me. And above all, we are blessed to have a healthy, "spirited" baby.

Thank you for all of your thoughts, prayers, and naming guidance.

SpaghettiOs

2008-10-20T12:47:00.000-07:00

Everything is going well! Brenda returned home Saturday night and is feeling much better. The baby is doing well; he has been upgraded from the NICU to the Intermediate Nursery. He is no longer on any oxygen supplementation, and he no longer has a feeding tube. The only deficiency he has is the absence of a first name. She wants Thomas as his middle name after the Prophet, who has been her "favorite" apostle since childhood. But he lacks a first name! Brenda and I are at a standstill, and we cannot seem to arrive at a mutually satisfying name.

She brought one name to the table with no alternatives: Brady. To her, his name has been Brady the entire pregnancy. Brady means "spirited," an adjective he has demonstrated since early in the pregnancy when we were surprised that he hung in there. It's the first time in any of her three pregnancies that she has known what name she wanted. However, she has brought no alternatives to the table.

I have brought three names to the table, my favorite being Zach. The other two I like are Cole and Trent. She is not crazy about any of them. That being said, the only reason she doesn't like Zach is because it shares the same vowel sound as Matt. That's it. That's the hold-up, a single vowel sound. It's not like I suggested his name be Zatt or Max or Nat--names that actually sound similar to Matt. I just love the idea of Zach Miller. It follows our "one-syllable" trend. Zach is common but not over-used. And it has a great meaning: "the Lord hath remembered," which also seems to beautifully describe the early course of this pregnancy. Plus, you can call him "Z" or "Little Z." How cool is that?

I like to think of this whole scenario as a group of us getting together at a restaurant to order an entree. The only catch is that we can only place one order because we all have to eat the same dish. I have suggested at least three things from the menu that would be enjoyable--Filet Mignon, Alaskan King Crab, and Lemon Rosemary Chicken, but they have all been vetoed. The only thing my dearest treasure of a wife has selected from the menu happens to be an undesirable dish to me: Spaghettios. Certainly it can't be unreasonable to expect that she at least provide a few menu options to choose from... None of this "there's only one thing I like on the menu" nonsense. On the other hand, I could follow my Mom's advice to be more flexible and let her order her SpaghettiOs since it is, in a sense, our last meal. (Seriously, nobody can actually think SpaghettiOs are edible.)

Now we're at the point where we've been sitting around the restaurant table for five days, and nothing has been ordered. The tension at the table is thickening. We are all hungry. The waiters/waitresses are rightfully getting frustrated checking back at our table only to continually be turned away with no order to process. I am now more interested in just getting an entree on the table than to have my selected dish served. I told her to order what she wanted; it's time to end this five-day fast. Just get something on the table, and I will learn to like SpaghettiOs.

By writing this account I am making our marriage into somewhat of an open book involving readers. Maybe it's not maritally-intelligent to do so. That being said, does he look more like a Brady or a Zach?

Baby Arrival

2008-10-15T21:25:00.000-07:00

We had a 5lb 4oz baby boy today at 1:53 in the afternoon born at 33+ weeks. No name yet. Baby is in the NICU but doing well and should come home within three weeks. Brenda, too, is in the ICU. She is doing well after a significant (4 L) blood loss due to her placenta accreta, which required a hysterectomy immediately after the C-section. She was mentally prepared for the high likelihood of a hysterectomy, but it is still a bit of a letdown. Given the circumstances, everything has gone very well. Sorry, no pictures yet. More to come!

Where's My Head?

2008-10-07T20:28:00.000-07:00

I had an experience yesterday that made me wonder where my mind has gone... (with pregnancy it goes bye-bye, right?) Lately whenever we drive by the mountains or any large hill, Drew will ask (more like beg) if we can climb it. Now I'm not feeling my best at the moment, but I didn't want to deny him an adventure just because of my condition. So yesterday we ventured off to a nearby park that is known to have lots of mountain trails behind it. Consequently we pulled up and two police officers were talking outside their vehicles, apparently taking a break. I asked where they would recommend hiking. They looked slightly puzzled, no doubt due to my big belly and two toddlers in tow... (not exactly your typical mountain excursion group). So they suggested I drive a short distance where the trail is flat and paved. I explained that we were specifically looking to "climb a mountain" to fulfill Drew's wish. They understood and pointed to a trail, but warned me to watch for wild animals (rattlesnakes mostly). Feeling a little uncertain, we started out toward the trail hand-in-hand. The kids were loving it and chatted excitedly whenever the terrain changed (dirt to gravel to large rocks, etc), and whether the incline of the path was heading up or down. I was feeling optimistic about their good mood when the path suddenly turned muddy. I looked ahead to gauge whether we could still cross, but it looked too soft. The sides of the path were overgrown with thistles and thick brush. I contemplated walking on the side. But a few steps into it, the aggressive grasshoppers jumping up and attacking me put an end to that notion. I told the kids we'd better turn around and head back. Drew immediately protested, and like a sap I gave in. Where the heck was my head? We trudged on and the ground started swallowing up our shoes. Mud seeped into our toes and finally engulfed the tops of our feet. I was experiencing strong suction as I tried to get my back foot out of the mud and take each step forward. Drew didn't seem to care and just commented quietly that his feet were muddy. Matt was screaming at the top of his lungs, "TOO MUDDY! TOO MUDDY!" I noticed people navigating the trails above us, and I must have looked like the biggest fool, pulling these kids forward, repeatedly jerking my back leg with every step like a dumb animal trying to get unstuck. Finally I just started laughing at my stupidity and turned the kids around. We actually made it back to the car, albeit with the equivalent of Frankenstein's boots on our feet from the high platforms of mud. Luckily the two officers were gone so I didn't have to experience the humiliation of them witnessing the consequences of my poor decision-making. What a sight we were. And all because mom's head went AWOL.

Free Weights a Great Purchase

2008-10-04T09:07:00.000-07:00

Instead of obtaining a gym membership after moving to El Paso, it seemed like purchasing a weight set would eventually pay for itself and allow me to spend more time at home. Furthermore, the daunting idea of driving to the gym--albeit a short distance--is often enough to dissuade me from working out that day altogether. It's a much less demanding challenge to simply walk upstairs and begin a workout. Having the weight bench has definitely increased my workout frequency. As the picture below demonstrates, I think you will agree with me that the decision has proven successful.

Here's to Joseph.

Addendum: Open Mouth

2008-09-24T19:12:00.000-07:00

No need to feel sorry for me; I did a boneheaded thing. The nurse actually wore glasses and braces, so it wasn't like she was that big of a stretch from Ugly Betty--only I would like to think of her as a more visually appealing version of Ugly Betty. Anyway, no amount of backpedaling was going to free me from the rapid quicksand I lucidly entered. The bottom line is, I have a habit of making excruciatingly stupid comments. It's about time I start carrying a shoehorn to help pry my foot out of my mouth.

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

2008-09-18T12:34:00.000-07:00

It's interesting how different men and women are. I think we tend to read much more into things (for better or worse) than our male counterparts. Case in point, Ryan really ticked off a female nurse this week. As he started telling me this story, I was thinking, "My gosh, what did you do? Yell at her? Slam her with a sarcastic put down? Mock her as she walked away?" No, he made the fatal mistake of commenting that she looked like America Fererra. Now Ryan thinks America Fererra is a cute girl. He doesn't think of her as "larger" or "plus size" the way she could be viewed, especially by Hollywood standards. He sincerely meant it as a compliment. But as his shift went on and he continued to receive vibes of seething hatred from this much-offended nurse, she finally felt the need to inform Ryan, "She (America Fererra) is a fat @#*!" Well, alrighty then! I think there's much less of a chance that a male would've reacted the same way. Could you imagine a guy responding to someone saying, "Hey, you look a lot like Jon Travolta," by snapping back, "Jerk, are you saying I have love handles?" That said, I feel sorry for Ryan. I can tell he felt really bad for offending this person.

Grateful

2008-08-30T10:20:00.000-07:00

Many of you know the roller coaster ride this pregnancy has been. There have been lots of incredibly sad moments with all indications pointing to a demise. Most of it has been filled with long periods of trepidation and walking on egg shells, wanting to hope for a healthy outcome but knowing the end could come at any time. The doctors made it clear that there was no way to predict whether we would carry long enough to the point of viability, but with each week we could hope a little more. They said they hoped we made it to 28 weeks. Now we are on the crest of that milestone, and I'm just so grateful to still be carrying and still have the chance to welcome another baby. If this experience has taught me anything, it's that we can't control everything, and sometimes we just can't get what we want in life. I guess I've been one who took for granted that if I took care of my body, I could do what I wanted with it (in terms of having a family, etc). But life has proven otherwise. There's a good chance the doctors will have to do a hysterectomy right after we deliver. It appears the placenta is physically growing into the uterine wall, and when that happens natural separation (after delivery) can be impossible, in which case the entire uterus must be taken out to avoid life-threatening blood loss. This development has been an extremely hard pill for me to swallow. I always imagined myself having a large family, so the thought of undergoing a hysterectomy when I wanted to try for more feels devastating. There is still the chance that somehow we will defy the odds and the placenta will detach on its own (saving the uterus), but it's difficult to ignore the very real probability looming in front of us. I try to focus on what we've been able to do and remember that the Lord already knows the outcome and the desires of our heart. I do feel so grateful to still be pregnant and have the chance to have this baby. It feels like a true miracle.

Say What?

2008-08-10T13:22:00.000-07:00

I'm finding that language barriers can bring unique experiences. This last week I had to take Matt in for an ear infection. When he was one he had tubes put in, so I was told any subsequent infections would be very obvious with noticeable drainage. We've been lucky to go a year and a half with no infections, but this week after a nightmare night of screaming (not knowing what the problem was) I picked him up in the morning and saw his ear and even neck was wet with infection. I felt so bad! We hadn't selected a pediatrician yet, and I didn't know where to begin, but I received a recommendation from someone in Ryan's' program and was able to be seen within the half hour. The office was nice and new and the staff was very friendly. As the nurse talked with me I really had to concentrate to decipher what she was saying because her accent was so thick... (I hate having to ask people to repeat themselves because I don't want them to 1) feel like I'm not listening, or 2) feel bad (or frustrated) because I can't understand them). We wrapped up the small talk and vital signs, at which point she held out a cup and asked for a urine sample. Now I was surprised that a two year-old (or anyone for that matter) would have to produce a urine sample for an obvious ear infection, but the patient before us had turned in a sample as well, so I thought maybe it was just standard procedure in their office. "Maybe they like to do a thorough work-up on the first visit," I assumed. We made our way to the bathroom, all the while I was thinking Matt wouldn't be able to "come up with the goods." In terms of potty training we aren't close to "holding it" yet; how could I expect him to just pee on demand? But he surprised me and successfully provided a sample. He must have known he did something commendable, because he insisted on personally handing it to the nurse and looked proud of himself. As we were waiting for the doctor to come in, the nurse popped in and said his urine looked fine. "Well ya," I thought, "last time I checked an ear infection didn't pose a risk of spawning a urinary tract infection." She went on to say, "Maybe something is just irritated down there and he's tugging at it... " "Tugging at it?" I said, confused. There was silence as I mentally relayed my description to her of why we were here and quickly recounted where I could have been unclear. She sensed my confusion and asked about the nature of our problems going pee. I said, "We're not having any problems going pee... he has drainage in his ear from an ear infection?"... (comprende?) "OH! An ear infection! I thought you said urine infection!" Needless to say, the mix-up didn't produce any disasterous results. The unecessary order to pee in a cup for a urinalysis was no big deal. On the other hand, I can understand why the people during the times of the Tower of Babel prayed for their language not to be confounded. It makes life so much easier.

MLB.com discount

2008-08-10T11:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, being in a female-dominated blogger world, this post may not draw much attention. We are accustomed to seeing tasty recipes, attractive aprons, scrapbooking supply tips, movie reviews, Bachelor reviews, etc. I just returned from a Diamondbacks vs. Braves game in Phoenix, and I'd like to offer a masculine recommendation. If you are looking for gifts for your husband, son, father, brother, friend, or other gift recipient who is a baseball lover, you can obtain a 15% discount off of any purchase at MLB.com by typing in the promotion code: "AQUAFINA1" (in CAPS).

God's Creatures

2008-07-31T11:07:00.000-07:00

So I was at playgroup the other day when the conversation somehow turned to insects (namely insects each person has encountered here). One relayed the story of how they caught 27 scorpions in their house last year... (my mind was kind of preoccupied observing my kids, but this comment snapped me out of it). "What?" I said in disbelief. Then another chimed in about the, not one, but two tarantulas her kids found in their yard and wanted to keep as pets (and they live a few doors down from us). She said she was deathly afraid of spiders, but her kids really wanted them, so she put up with it until one of the spiders started pulling its hair out from high anxiety and she decided to dump it over the fence when her kids were at school. My jaw grew tense as I listened in disgusted horror. One of the girls noticed my expression and asked, "Have you found anything in your house yet?" "No," I replied in disbelief, thinking they must be hiding in dark corners and gathering strength in order to give me a scare traumatic enough that would send me to the grave. Someone asked what street I lived on. After I answered she said, "Oh yeah, you should run into all sorts of things... make sure any time before you do yard work to check the lawn for rattlesnakes first." "Excuse me?" I replied weakly. "Yeah, they come down from the mountains and get in people's yards, so just look around first." Wonderful, I thought. All this time I haven't been strict about making sure my kids' shoes were on before they ran outside to play in the backyard. Now they're probably carriers of some disease or have some mystery creature implanted under their skin where it will remain until it reaches its next developmental stage and hatches out of its cocoon.

I left playgroup that day with the mentality of someone aware that they were on the verge of having an alien encounter. I wanted to bar up the doors and get my ammunition ready for when some frightful being reared its ugly head and invaded my nest. But the tight feeling subsided a little as all remained safe and life continued on without a battle to save the home front. Then the other night the kids were in bed and I was finishing up the dishes when I thought I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. It was coming from the windowsill, so I cautiously approached and pulled back the curtains. My mouth dropped open and my body became rigid as I saw an army of ants that were swarming in and around an open seam in the windowsill. Looking back it probably wouldn't appear as bad to another observer, but in my mind I was hearing the freakish chirping noises from the dreaded insect scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom! There were ants of all sizes including the winged variety. I let go of the curtain and gritted my teeth as I contemplated what to do. In the pantry I found all-purpose cleaner ("not toxic enough," I thought to myself), Windex, spray paint, etc, until I finally decided on insect repellent. The application probably proved more fatal because of the drowning aspect and not from the chemical itself, but it was successful. Of course my husband wasn't home to shoulder the extermination duty, but I guess I should learn to face my fears alone.

The next day we headed to the park. It was just another outing until we saw the most gigantic flying insects ever. Let me rephrase. These were the biggest monsters I've ever seen in the air or on the ground; they just happen to be the flying kind. I'm not exaggerating when I say I wonder how they could support their own body weight in flight. These guys reminded me of the little Volkswagen Beetle-bugs in the movie Cars, only not cute. They were like huge, shiny black 8-balls with wings. If one slammed into my head I'm sure I'd get a concussion from the impact. Then as if that wasn't enough, a while later I saw a big shadow pass by from a flying object overhead. I looked up and saw something that made the black beetle-bugs look like common house flies. These things were like the insect version of a 747. I swear they needed landing gear to be flight-ready. I ducked as they swerved and maneuvered in the sky like a fleet of fighter jets getting ready to launch an attack. "OK," I thought, "this is a good time to go home and make lunch..."

Finally this morning I got up and found a surprise waiting for me. As I passed the dining room on my way to get Matt from his crib I noticed something big and brown on the floor. Dismissing it as part of dinner that one of the kids must have thrown from the table last night, I hurried up the stairs to get Matt in hopes of allowing Drew to stay asleep just a little longer. On my way back down I passed the mystery object again, only this time I noticed some wiggling. My contacts weren't in, but as I peered closer it appeared to be some kind of big, long cockroach on its last leg. I wrinkled my nose, clutched Matt tighter and hurried to the other side of the room to the recliner, bruiting about why my husband is never around to give these unwanted tasks to. As I reflected on my options, the thought occurred to me that I could just leave it for Ryan to take care of. But that idea was quickly squelched as I thought of its practicality. The thing was so huge the kids would probably trip on it and then get attacked from disturbing its slumber. As I came to grips with getting rid of it myself, I resentfully took a paper towel and planned my attack. I folded it over and over to increase the thickness that would separate my skin from the wretched insect, but soon the surface area of the towel was smaller than the bug itself, and I had to unfold it to an adequate size. As my arm reached out, my head leaned far away, petrified to feel any sort of contact between us. I was able to gather it up, but not wanting to squish its body and experience the gross sensation of cracking insect gooping between my fingers, I quickly found a plastic bag on top of the garbage and used it as a body bag. As I committed this last act and ended its life, I apologized for killing it knowing it was one of God's creatures, but wished they could all fulfill the measure of their creation out of my sight.

Oh Boy!

2008-07-21T16:12:00.000-07:00

We are beyond excited to announce that our family will soon be welcoming another BOY! Can you believe it? We were starting to believe maybe it was a girl. It seemed everyone around us (who took a stab at guessing) all voted girl. Even the lady at the airport ticket counter blurted out, "... and one on the way? You're having a girl." "Oh really?" I said, somewhat amused that a total stranger would have the goods on knowing the gender. After a while Ryan started thinking it was a girl, and I (not one to trust any gut feelings I may have without hard evidence) started to wonder myself. Every time Drew and I talked on the subject he would say there was girl baby in Mommy's tummy... (then again, he also said there was a boy baby in his tummy and that Matt's baby was at Wal-Mart... not exactly profound insight). Nevertheless, all this one-sided input had me kind of geared up to expect news of an impending girl. After the ultrasound I was sort of in a confused daze. Could it be true? Another boy, really? I called Ryan and he was just as stunned. After stammering for a response--I think he actually said something like, "Are you serious?... Wow... Well, congratulations..." as if this was just happening to me! (nice)--the news finally settled in and he said he was happy and excited. I know all children are a gift and intended for our families, but for some reason the feeling of foreboding seems more intense than I remember in my two previous pregnancies. I have a stronger sense that this person is truly meant to be part of our family, and I can't wait to meet him!

Our House

2008-07-10T15:19:00.000-07:00

For those who recently moved, I'm sure no one took longer to post pictures of their new house than I did. And what's even more sad is that I'm not even done yet. The upstairs rooms don't have window treatments or pictures hung yet, but if I wait until that happens I might never get these pictures posted. Unfortunately I'm still new to this blogging thing and couldn't figure out how to imbed the slide show in this entry, so the photos are at the bottom of the page. We're loving it more every day here. Hope you're all doing great!

First Ice Cream Cone

2008-07-06T11:46:00.000-07:00

The kids must be adjusting to the area, because the park has returned as a much-loved activity. I think part of the struggle had to do with the novelty of walking on sand. At first they seemed scared of the surface's instability, but our trip to White Sands kind of initiated them, and now they don't give it a second thought. Last week after a particularly fun morning at the park, feeling relieved that life and regained some sort of normalcy, I happened to be driving by a McDonald's and saw the sign for 59-cent ice cream cones. Usually I avoid fast food, but I was in the mood to celebrate and made a split-second decision to pull in. This was to be their first cone, so I was a little concerned about a mess, but I felt like, "What the heck? What's a childhood w/o ice cream cones?" As we went through the drive-through and handed out the treats Drew asked, "What's that?" I answered and in unison they both replied, "Oh!" like they were in for some fun. As they tested the water and then became more immersed into the experience with the occasional "Mmm" filling the air, I noticed Drew was more concerned with keeping clean. Matt just plunged face-in and wasn't fazed by the melted mess dripping down his arms and chin. Then I received a phone call from my sister and got absorbed in a story. I should have continued to monitor things closer, because after the call I turned around to see Matt's hand squeezing the soggy cone bottom with all his might while the ice cream dripped out like water. This must prove I'm learning to relax, because my scream didn't shatter the windows. I just took a picture and retained the fun mood in the car. Sweet!

"What is this fabulous concoction?""I've died and gone to heaven.""Thanks Mom, this is fun!""Hmm, what happens if I... ""... Awesome! I can make ice cream flow like water!"

Someone's In The House!

2008-07-01T19:00:00.001-07:00

The other night we were having a hard time keeping Drew in bed. He kept getting out and crying for me at the top of the stairs to tuck him back in. Ryan and I were gritting our teeth with frustration since we can pretty much count on the kids sleeping soundly through the night. It was almost 11:00pm when I made what I thought was my last trip upstairs to put Drew back in bed. It wasn't two minutes later when I heard the patio door blinds suddenly flutter around and the door open. My heart lept out of my chest, and with a hiss I whispered, "Someone's in the house!" Ryan heard the noise too and went to the bedroom door to peak around the corner to view the glass door. My mind started visualizing his head violently whip back as some intruder struck him with a baseball bat (or worse) when Ryan turned to me and said, "I can't see... maybe I should turn on the light." In horror I responded, "You mean so the robber can see you better before he shoots you in the face?" Ryan returned to the nightstand to retrieve his glasses and then disappeared out of sight to investigate. I held my breath and started to contemplate life without a spouse when he came back to give the report: It was Drew! In a flash he had snuck downstairs and slipped outside because he wanted to play in the pool. I knew the pool was a good find, but good heavens! Did we really need the heart attack?

Thank You, Pool

2008-06-29T15:07:00.000-07:00

As you may have read from a previous entry, we are currently challenged to embark on fun activities during the day that don't burn us to a crisp. Enter new wading pool. This little 8-foot baby has been a great addition to our backyard, providing a cool alternative that keeps the kids active. We got back from the store with the new item at 7:30pm (bath & p.j.'s time), but I just couldn't send them to bed knowing the fun awaiting them. It was still more than 90 degrees outside, so I knew temperature wouldn't be an issue. So after some convincing to Ryan, I put the kids in their swimsuits and headed outside to fill the pool. They were literally jumping up and down with anticipation to climb in!

They each wanted a chance to "man the hose."Unlike the bathtub, they couldn't get in trouble for kicking water in here! Yay!Drew's fun peaked when he realized he could hit me with the water!

White Sands, NM

2008-06-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

I love to discover new places, so when Ryan suggested a day trip to nearby White Sands, NM, I was super excited. We got there a little before 10:00am, and the sun was still hiding behind the clouds, so the temperature was nice and comfortable. During the winding drive into the heart of the desert, Drew kept saying, "Look, snow!" It really did look just like snow. Even the sides of the road had darker looking drifts from the "sand plows" that must clear the way frequently. We finally selected a large hill with no one in sight and trudged up with our disc sled and wax in hand.

We had a great time taking the kids down the hill. At first they were both petrified to walk up the hill by themselves because the sand made such an unstable surface and it was very steep. After a while Drew started going up using his hands and feet, and proudly declared that he did it (made it up the hill) all by himself. When he got tired on the incline I would hear him say to himself, "I need to keep going." Matt never really reached that level of self-determination, choosing instead to whine and insist on our help.As luck would have it, the sun came out and Mommy & Daddy began to feel as though they had been stranded in the desert all day. We were blazing hot and exhausted from climbing up the hill over and over. Even people in the best shape would have been challenged by this exertion, but add to it a man lugging his two kids up the hill and a hot pregnant woman (as in temperature) on doctor's orders to restrict activity, and our kids didn't stand a chance to spend hour after hour in this playland. Ryan and I took the kids back down to the van to take a water break. The water break turned into a snack break. Then Ryan turned to me and said with a tired laugh, "I almost feel ready to ready to go." I said, "Me too." So that was it. An activity that lasted less than the drive there, but totally worth it. I took this shot of Ryan as he was getting the sled ready for the first ride down. Then I got the family gathered for a group shot and--the camera died! D'oh! We'll do better next time.

Strawberry Tiramisu

2008-06-29T13:37:00.000-07:00

If you like strawberry desserts, I think you'll love this recipe for Strawberry Tiramisu from bon appetit. It's cool and creamy and perfect for summertime. And the orange juice adds more flavor dimension than the typical cream and berry combination you find in strawberry shortcake. (In a pinch you could substitute cream cheese for mascarpone cheese and vanilla wafers for ladyfingers).
1 1/4 cups strawberry preserves
2/3 cup plus 4 tablespoons orange juice (fresh squeezed is best)
1 pound (16 oz.) mascarpone cheese, room temperature
1 1/3 cups chilled whipping cream
1/3 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/2 pounds (24 oz.) fresh strawberries, divided
52 (about) crisp ladyfingers

Whisk preserves and 2/3 cup orange juice in 2-cup measuring cup. Place mascarpone cheese and 2 tablespoons orange juice in large bowl; fold just to blend. Using electric mixer, beat cream, sugar, vanilla, and remaining 2 tablespoons orange juice in another large bowl to soft peaks. Stir 1/4 of whipped cream mixture into mascarpone cheese to lighten. Fold in remaining whipped cream.

Hull and slice half of strawberries. Spread 1/2 cup preserve mixture over bottom of 3-quart oblong serving dish or 13 x 9-inch glass baking dish. Arrange enough ladyfingers over preserve mixture to cover bottom of dish. Spoon 3/4 cup preserve mixture over ladyfingers, then spread 2 1/2 cups mascarpone mixture over. Arrange sliced strawberries over mascarpone mixture. Repeat layering with remaining ladyfingers, preserve mixture, and mascarpone mixture. Cover with plastic wrap and chill at least 8 hours or overnight.

Slice remaining strawberries. Arrange over tiramisu and serve. Makes 8 servings.

We're Not In Kansas Anymore

2008-06-27T07:12:00.000-07:00

I was excited when I found out we were coming to El Paso. The idea of a new part of the country and a different culture aroused my sense of of adventure. I have to remind myself of that when I encounter things that seem foreign, strange or undesirable. First, everywhere I look Caucasians are obviously in the minority. I never thought that would be an issue for me (I thought it would be a fun change), but it seems I stick out like a sore thumb, and it makes me feel a little self-conscious. I also see groups of men or boys congregated at store entrances/exits who seems to have chosen "staring at people" as their official pastime. I'll hear indecipherable murmurings and, growing more uncomfortable, grip my kids hands tighter and hurry past them before one of them tries to speak to me. When I'm at the store and see another "whitey" like myself, I'm drawn to them; fixated on their appearance (amazed to encounter someone similar to myself). Unlike my usual inclinations, I desire to enter into a conversation. "Do you actually live here, or are you just on vacation?"

Most of the prattle I hear around me is in Spanish. I was in the doctors' office and the receptionist spoke Spanish to at least half of the phone customers. An old man walked up to me at Wal-Mart and asked where the %&$@ was. I apologized and said I didn't speak Spanish, but he didn't stop. He held up a package of hamburger buns and anxiously pointed to them. Hesitantly, I said, "Meat?" "Si, si," he replied. Puzzled because the beef counter was in our line of sight, I gestured toward it. He shook his head and pointed toward a qualified Wal-Mart employee, who I'm sure was bilingual. It was like, "Never mind moron, I'll go ask someone who can understand a simple sentence." How can you get along in a place like this without being bilingual? All of a sudden I felt somewhere between a baby trying to communicate with an underdeveloped vocabulary and an ignorant hick who never made it past 2nd grade. In the past I've been praised at work in communication skills, ability to compile reports and make presentations. Now I probably wouldn't qualify to work at McDonald's ("You want what with that?"). Not the best feeling in the world. I also miss browsing through the radio stations without feeling like I'm either being serenaded at a Mexican restaurant or getting blasted with Spanish hip-hop at a nightclub in Tijuana. The other day I was in the car scanning through stations with no luck finding a single song that sounded anywhere familiar. After several minutes of mounting frustration I finally heard Marc Anthony singing, "You Sang To Me." Finally! A song in English that I know! I'll take it! Strange how desperation can make you love something that was just OK in the past.

Another tough thing for me is the extreme heat and subsequent lack of greenery. Now, I was expecting this (woo-hoo, something new), but what I didn't expect was how my kids would cry every time we went to a park because everything was too hot to walk or play on. It must be very expensive to maintain any patch of grass, because most of the parks are landscaped with lush sand and rocks. And what little grass they have is parched and sharp from lack of water. So I spend most of my time lugging the kids from one play thing to the next (fervently instructed to avoid letting their little feet touch the hot sand). Then they cautiously approach an apparatus and usually reject it, shouting that it's too hot. I've tried going earlier in the morning or later at night, but even then it's in the 90s. So we'll just have to treat this summer as our "Iowa winter" and rely on alternatives like the library and exciting trips to the store, where I can't talk to anyone anyway.

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Addendum: Ryan read this and thought I came across like I hated El Paso, which isn't true. There are things I love about it, like our house (pictures to come), our location in the mountains, and our super-friendly neighbors (who all speak English). This is a phase of transition, and in time I'll look back with amusement when everything was still new and somewhat foreign to me. As of now I'm still looking forward to getting more familiar with my surroundings and growing more fond of my new city.

The Old Latino Man

2008-06-26T22:09:00.001-07:00

About 10 miles north of Gallup, New Mexico, Matt notified us that we needed to pull over the car because of a defecated diaper. We pulled off of Highway 491 behind a dumpster at the side of the gas station. I stepped out of the minivan and transformed my seat into a diaper changing station, complete with a pillow on the console for Matt’s head. I noticed a scrawny, elderly Mexican man approach me from behind—only to be greeted with Matt’s browned-out behind. Recognizing that my attention was directed towards the messy task at hand, he excused himself and stood at the rear bumper of the van.

When I finished and replaced Matt in his carseat, he re-approached me. He carried a one dollar bill in his hands and explained in broken English that he was journeying by foot to Salt Lake City, UT. The aroma of beer on his breath was obvious. He asked if I was headed in that direction. Admittedly, I was relieved to be headed south to El Paso...but at the same time did not want to decline him a ride (not that my dear wife would have approved anyway). He then asked for help for his journey and indicated that he was hungry, pointing to his mouth.

I quickly contemplated what I should do when a couple of helpful thoughts rapidly presented themselves (paraphrased): Judge not, that ye be not judged, and do not send away any who are naked, or that are hungry…

I turned to Brenda and asked her to hand me the 2/3’s consumed bag of sunflower seed trail mix and a Ziploc bag full of Honey Nut Cheerios. I pulled out one of the two one-dollar bills in my wallet and handed him the items adding a “God bless you, Sir.” He carefully studied the items—paying a great deal of attention to the trail mix. He shook my hand with his dry, dirty hand and walked to a nearby fence post. I returned to my seat in the car and asked Brenda for a baby wipe, but she pulled out a small bottle of Purell sanitizer. Even better for this germ-a-phobe.

As we slowly pulled away from the gas station, I stole a glance out of my rear view mirror and noticed the man open the bag of mostly consumed trail mix. He began to eat. I was immediately rewarded with feelings of warmth for providing a small amount of comfort to this man. I began to think of my life of abundance and ease. I received more from that experience than the scrawny, old Mexican man. It goes down as one of the few times, more likely the only time, where I have to thank Matt for his timely blow-out.

This is not the man. I wasn't quick enough to think of requesting a picture. The real man was actually older and more scrawny, but I thought a visual might help bring light to the story.

Graduation At Last!

2008-06-22T16:39:00.000-07:00

On May 24 we enjoyed watching Ryan graduate from medical school at Des Moines University. It truly felt like something we accomplished together, and I was so proud of him. His parents flew out to be there for the occasion, but a death in the family took them back early and prevented them from attending the ceremony. He jokes about the title "doctor," insisting I now call him "Dr. Miller," the kids call him "Dr. Daddy," and that I be referred to as "Not-a-Doctor Brenda." He makes me laugh.

We are currently getting settled into our new home in El Paso. On July 1 Ryan starts his Ob/Gyn residency with Texas Tech University, so we are going to relish the next 8-9 days of vacation.

Our Next Adventure

2008-05-18T07:25:00.000-07:00

The city of El Paso, TX, and the site of our next adventure! This will be our home for the next four years. The 300 days of sun will be a big change from the long midwest winters!